While the search for love is universal and often thought to be synonymous with happiness, there seems something within the human psych that refuses to feel worthy of either. Somehow, no matter how well life treats lovers, they invariably manage to spoil it all by saying something stupid best unsaid.

Its really like those horror stories were the heroine, in the middle of the night, in a haunted castle, in the middle of nowhere, decides she must investigate the noise downstairs. The audience screams their warning. Stay put! Hide under the bed! Lock the door! Do anything, but dont go downstairs.

All to no avail. In her almost transparent nightie, with a flickering candle in her hand, against all common sense, she descends the stairs to the dungeon and danger below.

So also in love. Somehow the beloved must always push just far enough to lose her love. And now that I think of it, it is inevitably the female who doesnt know when to leave well enough alone.

In Wagners Lohengrin, Elsa is championed by a knight who after successfully defending her good name, asks for her hand in marriage. She is delighted to accept. And if you ever wanted to know where that popular wedding march comes from, it comes from this opera when the marriage between the unknown knight and Elsa takes place.

But there are conditions. If Elsa and the knight are to be happy in marriage, she must trust him completely. Love him unconditionally. Accept him as she finds him right now without questions as to his past. She must never ask him what his name is, where he comes from or, in short, for any of his personal details.

Interestingly enough, many couples make those same promises on their wedding day. I will love you unconditionally. I will let you be exactly what you are. I will not expect you to change simply because you are my legal partner.

But from the frequent breakdown of marriage, its obvious that vows are simpler to express than to keep. And like Elsa, lovers find that what their partner is prepared to give, is never enough. In the end they lose what they have, in an effort to get more than they need.

Vlady Peters

Vlady Peters is an Australian Civil Marriage Celebrant performing weddings, naming, renenewal of vows and commitment ceremonies both for Australian citizens and for overseas couples visiting friends and relatives in Australia.

She is the author of two traditionally published books, "The Complete Book of Australian Weddings" and "The Small Organisation Handbbook" and is in the process of releasing two ebooks dealing with weddings and honeymoons.

Her major interest is research into customs and traditions of weddings.

By going back to the roots of customs, she believes couples can more clearly differentiate between what is essential in a wedding ceremony, and what is merely a personal preference.

This allows them to choose a ceremony reflecting their own situation within the framework of legal requirements.

Vlady has a bachelor of Arts in English Literature and Government, and has studied the writing of novels and romances. She has written children picture books as well as novels.

She is a member of Queesland Civil Marriage Celebrants - the largest Civil Marriage Celebrants Association in Australia - as well as member of Celebrants' Training Association.

She is also a member of Australian Authors, as well as Romance Writers Association where for a number of years she was the Convenor of the prestigious Emma Darcy Award - Australia's leading Lady of Romance.